Absurdity before bed

I was going to post about 12-step programs tonight, but decided to go to bed instead. One quick hello on facebook, and now I’m compelled to write.

For those who haven’t heard, Parke Kunkle (say that name 10 times fast) would like you to know that you are no longer who you thought you were for your entire life. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news.

I have spent my whole life as a proud Aquarian. I knew I was. The horoscope in the paper each day confirmed it with its convenient bracketed dates. Every astrology book told me I was one, and now, all of a sudden, Mr. Kunkle says I’m a Capricorn. Now, before I can get to bed tonight, I have to go read up on my new supposed personality traits. How long do I have to conform to my new Kunkle-reality? Sigh.

Who the hell are you, Kunkle, and who made you sun-sign-god? Oh oh, this is 2 posts in a row that I am loudly calling “bullshit!” – not only on Mr. Kunkle, but on the entire astronomy/astrology/whatever racket.

Save for a few months of childhood where my naivete allowed me to believe in this hocus, I’ve always seen horoscopes as simple entertainment. I laugh at people who read theirs first thing in the morning and spend the next 15 waking hours looking for proof that Jo-Jo Savard (remember her??) and her nutty nutbar friends can look to the heavens and predict the future. Personally, I would read it at night to learn about the talents of people who can manipulate words to make millions of strangers in different social classes with different daily concerns and life goals all believe that the 5-to-6 lines of text they read are somehow an indication of their fate, as written “in the stars”.

That MSNBC, a major news network, would give Mr. Kunkle his 15-minutes of fame (which is now spiralling (virally) out of control online) is beyond me. As if the media wasn’t enough of a joke already, someone decided it would be cool to run this crazy story about this crazy guy taking himself and his hobby way too seriously.

I’m all for fun stories, but some people take this stuff VERY personally. Some people spend thousands of dollars a year (or more) getting “experts” to predict their futures based on the various precise arts of make-believe and lazy-people-making-stuff-up-to-earn-a-living.

Oh no, I’ll bet we’re going to hear this debated over the next few days. I worry that MSNBC and their friends at CNN and Fox News will have opposing astrologers arguing about what the correct zodiac dates should be. And, contrary to their astrologer friends, astronomers believe there is a 13th Zodiac sign called Ophiuchus, which falls between Scorpio and Sagittarius. Stop the madness! I hope so badly that I am wrong and that this topic dies while I sleep tonight. I hope that when I wake up, people read this blog, hear nothing else about this craziness, and accuse me of making things up. 

If this craziness were “reported” by Stephen Colbert or Jon Stewart, I wouldn’t be worried, because anyone who takes what they say seriously deserves whatever they get. As for the networks who claim to keep us informed about what matters, knock, knock, this doesn’t. Get back to work!

Good night.

(And in the words of our good friend Jo-Jo: “I love you I kiss you bye bye.”) Oy.

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